Midnight Burger
Chapter 47: The Hero
We hear the sound of the sigian ocean outside and cooking in the kitchen.
Libuza:
Once upon a time, there was a Hero. Though, she would never call herself that. The Hero had always been a creature of survival—of work. For the longest time the Hero saw every sunset as a victory—all that one needed was to reach the days end and rest. And then... One day... The hero did not choose this life, but no one ever does. Reluctance is at the heart of the hero. For one to seek it out... Well, we call that something else, don’t we?
Brodie:
Petal, do you think there’ll be any fish left in the ocean by the time you’re done?
Gloria:
(From the kitchen.) It helps me relax!
Brodie:
Are you certain?
Gloria:
(Popping her head into the living room.) What did you just call me?
Brodie:
Petal.
Gloria:
... I don’t think I approved that terminology.
Brodie:
Could you come here to me and walk me through the approval process?
Gloria:
Don’t distract me.
Brodie:
I thought distraction was the goal.
Gloria:
You know what I mean.
Brodie:
Is the assumption that, if you continue to cook, time will somehow move along at a faster clip?
Gloria:
I guess I’m used to cooking while time traveling.
Brodie:
Have you ever made haggis?
Gloria:
(Popping back in the living room.) What?
Brodie:
Haggis, are you familiar?
Gloria:
Yeah, I know what it is.
Brodie:
I’ve never had it, and what a crime.
Gloria:
Brodie, you’re kind of a caricature of a Scottish person. Has anyone ever told you that?
Brodie:
Ah, but how can I be a caricature of a people who no longer exist? Am I not the blueprint?
Gloria:
(Going back in the kitchen.) Oh my God.
Brodie:
Am I not the paterfamilias from which all future Scots shall spring?
Gloria:
(From the kitchen.) Oh my God, Brodie.
Brodie:
Be careful, my love. I shall begin to quote Robbie Burns in your general direction.
Gloria:
No, thank you.
Brodie:
How lofty, sweet Afton, thy neighbouring hills, Far mark'd with the courses of clear winding rills;
Gloria:
How do I turn it off?
Brodie:
There daily I wander as noon rises high,
My flocks and my Mary's sweet cot in my eye.
Gloria:
I’m not making you Haggis. I don’t even know if there’s sheep here.
Brodie:
Is there not a maritime version? Some sort of fish stuffed with some other sort of fish?
Gloria:
I doubt it.
Brodie:
Tragic.
Gloria:
(Popping back in.) ... I know I’m being a little ridiculous.
Brodie:
I don’t believe that you are.
Gloria:
They’ve just been dragging me all over the planet like a celebrity. I make speeches and meet people, but it doesn’t feel like anything’s happening.
Brodie:
It’s possible they’ve no idea what to do.
Gloria:
There’s got to be something. There’s always something.
Brodie:
If that’s the case, then it has yet to rear its head... but it shall.
Gloria:
... This is the problem with spending my life in restaurants.
Brodie:
What do you mean?
Gloria:
At the end of the night, you always make sure that everything’s done. You make sure not to screw the next shift. Doesn’t matter how tired you are, you don’t leave anything unfinished.
Brodie:
I see.
Gloria:
I’ve got a lot of unfinished work out there, Brodie.
There is a chime that rings through the house.
Brodie:
As if on cue. Perhaps this is the news you’ve been waiting for.
Brodie presses a button and activates a video call.
Gloria:
Hello?
Borsh:
(On the call.) Gloria, hello.
Gloria:
Hello, Borsh.
Ixio:
(On the call.) Hi, Brodie.
Brodie:
Greetings.
Gloria:
What’s the news?
Borsh:
We’re heading your way.
Gloria:
Okay, what’s going on?
Borsh:
As you know the High Chancellor has been off-world since your arrival.
Ixio:
There’s a lot of planets to manage out there, you understand.
Gloria:
Sure.
Borsh:
She’s managed to cut her schedule short so that she can meet with you.
Gloria:
That’s great!
Ixio:
In fact, she has called a general meeting. She never does that.
Borsh:
That’s a meeting of all council heads from all departments. It’s a big deal.
Gloria:
Okay, so I should get ready to go?
Borsh:
She’s actually invited both you and Brodie.
Gloria:
She has?
Brodie:
Has she?
Borsh:
It’s a bit of a formal to-do, Gloria. Your domestic system should have some appropriate outfits for the occasion.
Ixio:
Brodie, I’ve marked some of my personal favorites for you if you need some guidance.
Borsh:
No need to pack, we’ll have everything for you on the big island. We’re going to the capital.
Gloria:
Wow, okay.
Borsh:
Select some outfits and they’ll be sent to the fabricator there. This is good news, Gloria!
Gloria:
Okay great. I’ll see you soon!
They’re gone.
Brodie:
Well, it appears we’re going to a bit of a bash.
Gloria:
What do you think the head honcho wants with you?
Brodie:
I’ve no clue. Perhaps she knows it can’t possibly be a true rave-up unless I make an appearance.
Gloria:
Brodie... I really need something to happen.
Brodie:
I know, my love. It shall.
Gloria:
... I also haven’t approved “my love.”
The hero’s pavilion in the sigius capitol. We hear a distant ocean and children playing.
Libuza:
Not every age can be an age of heroes. There must be an age that follows. And what is that age? Prosperity? Silence? Stillness? The hero had found herself in a place she had never known. A place where all the work was done. The war had been won. The victories celebrated. It was a time and a place that she'd always wished for. But how would she find her place here? Where is the hero's place in a time of peace?
A sensor activates near a statue.
Statue:
Welcome to the Idol of Remembrance. It is here we remember Bertiluna Restiana, first High Chancellor of the new coalition, who led us through war and into reconstruction. It is in this sacred place that we honor her memory and hold fast to the promises we’ve made to each other.
Gloria:
It’s a beautiful statue.
Brodie:
‘Tis.
Gloria:
I wish I could’ve seen her.
Brodie:
To hear them tell it, she was toward the end of her life when she brought us all here to Sigius. It was her final act. By the time we’d made the crossing in the Pyrophyte, she was already gone.
Gloria:
You would’ve liked her.
Brodie:
I’m sure.
Borsh and ixio approach, walking quickly across the pavilion.
Borsh:
Hello!
Ixio:
Good morning!
Gloria:
Hey guys.
Borsh:
Are we all ready?
Gloria:
Yeah, I’m ready.
Ixio:
I have your prepared remarks right here and have incorporated your changes.
Gloria:
Thank you.
Borsh:
This is a big one.
Ixio:
This is the heavy hitters.
Borsh:
This will be a gathering of all council heads from across the planet. We’ll have council members focused on inter-planetary, inter-galactic and inter-community issues. The chancellors of Forethought, Peace Keeping, Innovation, Truth and Understanding, Deep Core Tenets—
Ixio:
Deep Core Tenets is a huge get, they never show up.
Borsh:
—Also our interplanetary guests.
Ixio:
As well as our new High Chancellor.
Gloria:
Right, and what is her name again?
Borsh:
Alondra.
Gloria:
Alondra, okay. So, guys—
Ixio:
Have you had a chance to visit your idol yet?
Gloria:
Uh, no—
Ixio:
It’s really lovely.
Gloria:
I’ve seen it. In pictures.
Borsh:
My brother was on the design council.
Gloria:
Great.
Ixio:
Would not shut up about it.
Borsh:
He was very proud of his work.
Ixio:
We are all proud of our work.
Gloria:
Guys. I really appreciate your help this whole time. It’s been a lot. I feel like I’ve met everyone on the planet.
Ixio:
We’re all very excited that you’re here.
Gloria:
I understand, but the speeches and the functions are going to end at some point, right?
Borsh:
The working group is already putting together ideas.
Gloria:
The working group, what does that mean?
Ixio:
For issues that span the interests of multiple councils, a working group is convened.
Borsh:
A working group with a representative of each council.
Gloria:
What is the working group supposed to do?
Borsh:
The working group will concern itself with you.
Gloria:
Concern itself with me how?
Ixio:
However you like.
Gloria:
Okay. I need to get back to the diner.
Ixio:
Then it shall concern itself with that.
Gloria:
Great. Okay. That’s great. So this is the last speech?
Ixio:
Yes.
Borsh:
Yes.
Ixio:
For a while.
Borsh:
Could be more.
Gloria:
Y’all.
Borsh:
I understand the resistance. Ixio, have you compiled analogies?
Ixio:
I have some analogies here that may bring clarity.
Gloria:
Why?
Ixio:
Joan of Arc, Boudica, Oprah—
Gloria:
Oprah? What are we talking about here?
Borsh:
A luminary from the past is suddenly among us, and many people are wanting to... What is the word?
Ixio:
Bask in the glow.
Borsh:
The glow.
Gloria:
The glow?
Ixio:
And because of that, there is a need for certain functions.
Gloria:
I’m not glowing.
Borsh:
No, but your statue is. You should definitely take a look.
Ixio:
Enough with the statue, please.
Borsh:
I’m just saying.
Ixio:
Gloria, the High Chancellor is here. She’s looking forward to speaking with you. After that, we can get to work.
Borsh:
I hear the preliminary team already has some interesting ideas about what to do next.
Gloria:
... Okay.
Ixio:
Now, I hate to break up the happy couple, but I’m afraid Brodie has a schedule of his own today.
Brodie:
Have I?
Ixio:
Yes, Brodie. You look really great. If you would come with me, I’ll get you where you need to go. I promise I won’t steal him.
Borsh:
Are you sure?
Brodie:
I suppose duty calls.
Gloria:
Good luck with whatever that is.
Borsh:
Gloria, we’ve cordoned off this area so you won’t be disturbed. I need to go meet some landing parties. You’re good here?
Gloria:
Sure.
Borsh:
Seriously, you should go see your statue. It’s something you need to see in person.
Gloria:
Okay. I’ll put it on the list.
Borsh:
Be right back.
Gloria:
Okay.
Borsh hurries off.
Gloria:
... You certainly wouldn’t make me put up with this bullshit, would you, BertBert?
Walking into the scene is Justin.
Justin:
You’re right, she probably wouldn’t.
Gloria:
Hello.
Justin:
Hi there... Lovely statue.
Gloria:
Yes.
Justin:
Did you know that she had them redo that statue six times?
Gloria:
Really?
Justin:
Our former High Chancellor was very particular. She kept insisting it was “too majestic.” She didn’t seem approachable enough.
Gloria:
It’s a twenty foot statue, how can it be approachable?
Justin:
I don’t know, but that’s what she wanted. Apparently at first they wanted something more queenly. Having her sitting in a big throne. Like that one on your planet, what’s his name? Lincoln? In the big chair?
Gloria:
Right.
Justin:
She wanted to just stand there. “And give me a book or something.”... A mistake, in the end, I think. It should try and capture how people felt about her, not what she actually looked like... I’m Justin.
Gloria:
Gloria. Justin?
Justin:
Yes.
Gloria:
That’s an earth name.
Justin:
It is.
Gloria:
You’re from here.
Justin:
My mother was a big fan of Earth and a big fan cheesy jokes. She said I came along “Justin the nick of time.”
Gloria:
Wow.
Justin:
Yeah.
Gloria:
And you have to live with that.
Justin:
I do. Also, I was the third child. I think at that point she didn’t give a shit what my name was.
Gloria:
I’m sure that’s not true.
Justin:
So, have you seen your statue?
Gloria:
I’ve seen pictures.
Justin:
It’s not far from here.
Gloria:
I know. You didn’t hear it from me, but I think I would’ve preferred some input like BertBert had.
Justin:
You don’t like it?
Gloria:
It’s a little much, don’t you think?
Justin:
I don’t know.
Gloria:
I’m sitting in some sort of lotus pose and I’m surrounded by three galaxies.
Justin:
The Milky Way, Andromeda, and Triangulum.
Gloria:
And I’m twenty feet tall.
Justin:
It does make one imagine you much taller.
Gloria:
Doesn’t it?... I’m a cook, Justin.
Justin:
Only to yourself, Gloria.
Borsh:
(Calling from the other side of the square.) No, no!
Justin:
Shit.
Borsh:
Absolutely not!
Gloria:
What’s wrong?
Justin:
Gloria, we’re sitting here in the middle of a free city on a free planet, in a newly free system. Don’t you think it should be free for everyone?
Gloria:
What do you mean?
Borsh:
(Getting closer.) This is not a press event!
Justin:
We’ve got the chance to start over in The Triad. Do you think imprisoning people without any process of adjudication is the way to get started?
Gloria:
I have no idea what your talking about.
Justin:
There’s an island you should know about. The Earthlings are calling it North Brother Island—it’s some sort of Earth reference.
Gloria:
North Brother Island?
Borsh:
Security!
Justin:
They won’t listen to me, Gloria. Maybe they’ll listen to you.
Borsh:
(Talking to security.) He’s over here. Take him off the premises.
We hear security guards approaching.
Gloria:
Listen to me about what?
Justin:
My mother would’ve hated it, but no one seems to care.
Gloria:
Who is your mother?
Justin:
You’re standing next to her statue.
Borsh:
Justin. Off we go. Thank you. Thank you for the disruption.
The security guards escort Justin away.
Borsh:
I’m so sorry about that, Gloria.
Gloria:
He’s BertBert’s son?
Borsh:
He is. A bit of a black sheep. He likes to cause trouble.
Gloria:
What was he talking about?
Borsh:
It’s really nothing to worry about.
Gloria:
Borsh. What the fuck was he talking about?
We move to a landing pad. We hear the doors of a massive spacecraft open. Several soldiers march out in lock step followed by Alondra, the High Chancellor. Ixio comes running along side her.
Ixio:
Hello, Ma’am, how was your trip?
Alondra:
It was fine, everyone’s arrived?
Ixio:
Yes. Gloria is here at the amphitheater and Brodie is waiting at your offices.
Alondra:
You haven’t told Brodie anything?
Ixio:
No Ma’am, as directed.
Alondra:
Good. Ixio, how are things progressing in our Faster Than Light working group?
Ixio:
Uh, I don’t have that information here, but last I checked they were making progress.
Alondra:
Good. Could you tell them to pick up the pace please? We’re in the middle of a technological revolution right now, and yet, every time I go through a warp gate, I feel like my ass is going to fall out of my body. An alternative to warp gate travel would be great.
Ixio:
Yes, Ma’am.
Alondra:
All the chancellors are here?
Ixio:
Yes, ma’am... Almost.
Alondra stops walking.
Alondra:
Almost?
Ixio:
Um, yes.
Alondra:
Who’s not here?
Ixio:
...Deep Core Tenets sends it’s regrets-
Alondra:
Fucking philosophers.
Ixio:
I stressed to them-
Alondra:
Get them on video right now.
Ixio:
Yes, Ma’am.
Alondra:
Direct from me so they don’t ignore the call.
Ixio:
Of course.
Alondra:
Point your camera at my face, please.
Ixio:
Okay.
Alondra:
Other side of my face, please.
Ixio:
Yes, Ma’am.
Alondra:
...
Tenet Chancellor:
(On the screen.) High Chancellor-
Alondra:
That’s actually the last thing you’re going to say on this call, because I’m going to talk and then you’re going to act. Now, I realize that may be difficult for you, because action is not something you’re prone to in your council, but try and muster up the strength. I am not the High Chancellor of the New Coalition because of an oopsie, okay? I am here with the full faith of the entirety of the new coalition planets and yet you assholes act as though I’m a weather girl on some sort of terrible Earth show. Being High Chancellor means many things. One of the many things it means is the following: When I throw a party, everybody fucking shows up. Get a representative on a Slipstream right now and pray to the First Island that they make it here in time for the break out meetings. Thank you.
Alondra walks from the call towards the stage.
Alondra:
That ought to have them shitting in their robes.
Alondra walks out on to a stage where she is greeted with applause from thousands of people.
Announcer:
High Chancellor Alondra Vizelda.
Alondra:
Thank you... It began a generation ago. It began with one woman saying “Enough,” and three galaxies echoing that call. What followed was protest, then rebellion, then war. Miraculously, here with us today is the woman who started it all. Chancellors, commissioners, and ambassadors, I present to you: Gloria Juana Belén Gutiérrez de Mendoza.
The crowd applauds as gloria walks out to meet the High Chancellor. They talk away from the mic as they wave and smile at the crowd.
Alondra:
Thank you so much for doing this. I know it’s super awkward, just keep smiling and waving.
Gloria:
Sure thing... Chancellor?
Alondra:
Yes?
Gloria:
Where the fuck is Clementine?
Alondra:
... Aw, fuck.
We move to a high speed aircraft flying across the ocean.
Libuza:
The Hero should not have been surprised. Tranquil lands can often hide the deepest evils. With a heavy head, the Hero once again strode across the land to save a people from themselves. The burden of this was thick upon her shoulders. The work seemed unending, with the end of every battle being the beginning of the next. She often wondered when it would all end. But then, beyond that a larger question loomed: if it did end... what then?
Ixio and Borsh debrief Gloria.
Borsh:
You can see the island on the map here: Sil-goresh. As you can see it’s the most isolated island on the planet.
Ixio:
Very few people lived there and when Sigius moved to a global government it began to be used for the most sensitive projects and, if necessary, quarantine.
Borsh:
All of the Earthlings passed through there when they came to Sigius.
Brodie:
I passed through there myself, but I was there for a week at the most.
Gloria:
And you’re telling me Clementine is still there?
Ixio:
She is. Terric, as well.
Brodie:
When I asked about them, I was told they were living on another island.
Ixio:
And they were.
Brodie:
There were a few salient details left out of that statement.
Ixio:
There was only so much we were able to share with you.
Gloria:
Why are they still there?
Borsh:
The details of all that is outside of our profile, you’ll have to talk to the high chancellor directly.
Ixio:
We’ll be there in a few hours.
Gloria:
Fine. My special guest is onboard this thing too?
Borsh:
He’s on the lower deck, I’ll take you to him.
Gloria:
Okay.
Ixio:
Brodie, the Chancellor apologizes that you weren’t able to meet back on the big island but obviously things took a turn.
Brodie:
I’m meeting with her directly?
Ixio:
Yes. She’s on her way in her ship right now, she hopes that the two of you can find some time to talk in the middle of all this... stuff.
Brodie:
What could this be about?
Ixio:
I don’t know, but the most powerful woman in the Triad would like to meet with you so I’m assuming it’s about something important.
We move to the lower deck. Justin is looking at archival footage on his tangle.
Bertbert:
(In Tangle.) As you can see from the dilapidated buildings behind me, the draconian trade policies of the Ted Empire have decimated the small cities and towns here on Lemonier. To keep up with the high fees associated with their active warp gate, every citizen of this planet must work at a water treatment facility for a minimum of 5 years so that they can prepare shipments of fresh water to the Teds as payment for their active warp gate lease-
Justin cuts off the recording as Gloria approaches.
Borsh:
Here we are.
Gloria:
Thank you.
Justin:
Thanks for the invitation.
Gloria:
Well, I feel like our conversation got cut short.
Justin:
Sorry for the ambush, there was no other way to talk to you. Luckily I still have some friends at the capital.
Gloria:
What can you tell me about whatever is going on at this island?
Justin:
Sil-goresh.
Gloria:
Yes.
Justin:
Would you mind if we talked without a representative of the High Chancellor’s office hovering over your shoulder?
Borsh:
You started the day by breaking into a restricted area, Justin, you think I’m going to trust you?
Justin:
I’m not a cat burglar, Borsh. An old friend let me in.
Borsh:
And what is this friend’s name?
Justin:
A journalist never reveals their sources.
Borsh:
Then you should have no problem-
Gloria:
Borsh. Give us a minute, okay?
Borsh:
... Alright.
Justin:
... Fun guy.
Gloria:
I don’t understand, if you’re BertBert’s son, how are you not treated like royalty?
Justin:
We don’t do special treatment for parental legacy on Sigius.
Gloria:
But still.
Justin:
Also, I was... You know how families sometimes have that one kid that nobody knows what to do with?
Gloria:
Sure.
Justin:
That’s me.
Gloria:
Aren’t you guys real big on journalistic integrity?
Justin:
Yes, but it gets a little nasty when you get into a debate about what journalism actually is. I don’t work for the Truth and Understanding council here on Sigius, I have another job. I work for The Undersignal.
Gloria:
What is that?
Justin:
Um. Let’s see, something analogous on Earth, pre-crisis would be... Bloggers, I guess?
Gloria:
I see.
Justin:
The Undersignal isn’t connected to a planet or a government, it’s a system-wide collective. A lot people think we’re muckrackers and gossip peddlers—and, to be fair, some of us are. But a lot of big stories start with us.
Gloria:
So they’re just being snobs.
Justin:
They are being snobs, Gloria. Thank you for saying so. Also, I think all of them want to overlook the fact that Bertiluna Restiana herself used to work for The Undersignal too.
Gloria:
She did?
Justin:
That’s where she met my father.
Gloria:
I see. So you’re the unfortunate little ink spot on the family story, then?
Justin:
I am. They’re not going to be too happy you invited me on this trip.
Gloria:
They’ll be fine. You know, I’m kind of a big deal around here.
Justin:
The twenty foot tall statue tipped me.
Gloria:
So, getting down to business.
Justin:
Yes.
Gloria:
Any idea what we’re walking into right now?
Justin:
Not really. There’s two Earthlings being held on Sil-goresh and nobody knows why. I was hoping you could shed some light on things. Do you know who they are?
Gloria:
I do.
Justin:
Who are they?
Gloria:
Justin, here’s the thing, you know about the diner and all the things it does. You heard the stories?
Justin:
Sure.
Gloria:
Okay. What do you know about a guy named Krok the Propigator?
Justin:
Nothing. Enlighten me.
We move to the island of Sil-goresh. We hear the massive doors of a containment facility open. Gloria walks inside and the door shuts behind her.
Voice:
Please prepare for decontamination.
Gloria:
For what?
Gloria is swept by several waves of energy but feels nothing.
Gloria:
... Okay.
Another door opens.
Voice:
Please proceed.
Gloria:
Thank you?
Gloria walks into another chamber. Another steel door slowly slides open. Behind the thick glass of a containment cell is clementine.
Clementine:
Hi.
Gloria:
Clementine, what the fuck?
Clementine:
I’m fine.
Gloria:
You’re in prison.
Clementine:
Uh, I don’t think they call it a prison.
Gloria:
Can you leave?
Clementine:
No.
Gloria:
It’s a prison.
Clementine:
Potato-Potahto I guess.
Gloria:
What happened?
Clementine:
Uh... turns out when you get to a new planet and you tell them that you’re a black hole that then turned into a person and then tore a path of destruction through all of existence and would’ve continued to were it not for the staff of a magical diner, some eyebrows go up.
Gloria:
But you’re just a person now.
Clementine:
I don’t know much about this place, but I get the sense that everyone on this planet approaches things with an abundance of caution.
Gloria:
Clementine, couldn’t you have just told them you’re a cocktail waitress or something?
Clementine:
That’s not a bad idea. 20/20 hindsight.
Gloria:
You told them a completely unbelievable story and they just believed you?
Clementine:
They had a lot of questions about what happened to us and how we got stranded in space and all that, and I guess they could’ve just called me crazy—but there was a bit of a fly in the ointment.
Gloria:
What was that?
Terric has entered the room.
Terric:
It was me.
Gloria:
Terric?
Terric:
Hey, Gloria.
Clementine:
We all had to go through a physical analysis when when we got here and grandpa over here tripped a few of their alarms.
Gloria:
Why?
Terric:
Remember how you said that if I came with you that I would be a normal guy again?
Gloria:
Yes... You’re still not getting older.
Terric:
No. For whatever reason, I’m still the way I was.
Clementine:
At first they had him in one of these cells. This made me freak out. I start yelling at everybody, telling them it was my fault.
Terric:
Remember the hospital scene in Terms of Endearment?
Clementine:
“Give my daughter the shoooooot!” It was like that. I really scared them.
Terric:
And me.
Clementine:
Anyway, they finally hook me up to a lot of things and had a look at me... I guess they found something, because now I’m in here and he’s out there.
Gloria:
So this entire time, the two of you have never left this island.
Clementine:
Yeah. I hear the island they put the Earthlings on is great, though.
Gloria:
I know, that’s where I was. I showed up on Brodie’s deck.
Clementine:
Oh my god, really?
Gloria:
Yes.
Clementine:
Okay so... how’s it going?
Gloria:
What?
Clementine:
You know... with Brodie.
Gloria:
... Are you trying to have girl talk with me right now?
Clementine:
Yes.
Gloria:
Clementine, you’re trapped in a human aquarium!
Clementine:
I know! Throw me a bone already!
Gloria:
Clementine!... You were such a pain in my ass, for such a long time.
Clementine:
... Yes, that’s.... I really was.
Gloria:
And I didn’t go through all that so that you could wind up like a box turtle in here.
Clementine:
They seem pretty dead set on keeping me here, Gloria.
Gloria:
We’ll have to see about that.
Terric:
Gloria, I’m in this meeting with the High Chancellor too. We should go.
Gloria:
Okay. Clementine, we’re going to figure this out. Try not to make any messes in the next hour.
Clementine:
I’ll try.
Terric:
We’ll be right back.
Clementine:
Okay, sweetie, can you bring me a snack?
Terric:
Of course.
Clementine:
Okay, I love you!
Gloria and terric exit into a hallway.
Gloria:
Do I have to do fucking everything around here, Terric?
Terric:
I guess so.
Gloria:
Where am I going?
Terric:
There’s a people mover right here.
They step onto a moving platform that takes them through the building.
Terric:
... So, how are you?
Gloria:
Very funny.
Terric:
I heard that you showed up here without the diner, how did that happen?
Gloria:
Well, you’re not going to believe this, Terric, but I’ve got a great big mess to clean up, and it spans all of existence.
Terric:
Again?
Gloria:
Yeah.
Terric:
Sorry to add to your to-do list.
Gloria:
It’s not your fault... Can I ask you something?
Terric:
Yeah.
Gloria:
Are they... are they drugging her?
Terric:
... No.
Gloria:
She seems... I mean, I know the situation is bad, but she seems like...
Terric:
Gloria, you can’t just wave away guilt. It stays with you until it’s gone—and sometimes it just takes time.
Gloria:
I understand that.
Terric:
After all you went through with her... it was suddenly all gone. Her people were saved and she now gets to live on a beautiful planet with the man she loves.
Gloria:
That all sounds good.
Terric:
She never paid for it... She got off scott free.
Gloria:
What are you saying?
Terric:
She likes it in there... she feels like she’s finally being punished.
Gloria:
Oh, goddamn it.
They step off the people mover and into a large meeting room. Justin is waiting there as well.
Gloria:
This is where we’re meeting her?
Terric:
Yeah.
Justin:
She’ll probably have us wait for a while. It’s a power thing.
Gloria:
Great. Because I have plenty of time.
Terric:
Who’s this?
Gloria:
This is Justin, he’s the son of the former High Chancellor, who was a friend of ours and who I’m really missing right now.
Justin:
So is this the uh...
Terric:
Immortal guy, yes.
Justin:
Wild.
Gloria:
Justin, where are we right now?
Justin:
This is the adjudication chamber. All decisions regarding quarantine are held here by a tribunal. You won’t have to worry about them though. There’s a clause that states the High Chancellor can supersede the tribunal on special cases.
Gloria:
And how is she going to be on this issue, do you think?
Justin:
Not sure. I know she really hates me, so I’m sure she’s thrilled you brought me along.
Gloria:
Great.
Justin:
I promise I’ll be on my best behavior. Also I have to sit all the way over there. Technically, I’m foreign press. Good luck, Gloria.
Gloria:
Thanks.
Justin goes to sit in the foreign press area.
Terric:
... So, landed on Brodie’s porch, huh?
Gloria:
Seriously? You too?
Terric:
Sorry.
Gloria:
... He’s really great, Terric.
Terric:
I’m sure... Why are you framing that like it’s a problem.
Gloria:
You may have heard: I’ve got a great big mess to clean up, and it spans all of existence.
Terric:
I heard. What does one have to do with the other?
Gloria:
... I’ve been hopping from one crisis to the next for a really long time. And then for the past few weeks, I’ve just stopped... He’s got a little house on the beach and...
Terric:
You’re afraid of liking it too much.
Gloria:
Yeah, I guess.
Terric:
So what if you do?
Gloria:
So what if I don’t? Even though it’s wonderful?
Terric:
You can’t be done with something until you’re done with it, Gloria. You’ll know when you’re done. Strangely it has nothing to do with how good your life is at the time... Where is he, by the way?
Gloria:
He’s visiting his children.
Terric:
I’m sorry?
We hear the sound of an airlock and Brodie walks into to a sealed chamber holding all of his mushrooms.
Brodie:
Hello my ladies, hello. Look at all of you. You’re looking quite lovely, despite your confinement. I’ve been languishing without you, I must say. What is a mycologist without his fungi, I ask you? Though I am comforted by this glass cage they’ve put you in. The climate seems perfect, the nutrients are all in place. I trust none of you have tried to slip your insidious little spores through the cracks in the glass. We don’t want them getting ideas that you’re trying to take over the planet, yes?...They’ve yet to find a place for you all, sadly. I’m afraid it is our lot just to wait... All of us the last of our kind, yes?
The airlock opens and Alondra walks in.
Alondra:
Hey there, Brodie.
Brodie:
Ma’am. Uh, Madame Chancellor? Your Grace? I’m unsure how to address you.
Alondra:
You can just call me Alondra.
Brodie:
Very well. Alondra.
Alondra:
Mm... Actually that’s too weird, call me Chancellor.
Brodie:
I shall.
Alondra:
I’m sorry we haven’t had a chance to talk. All sorts of things keep happening.
Brodie:
Of course. Though I can’t imagine what you’d need me for—I’m a scientist without a subject.
Alondra:
I’d like you to look at something for me.
Brodie:
Of course.
Alondra presses a button on the wall and speaks.
Alondra:
Could you bring up that soil analysis in here, please?
The wall suddenly displays soil analysis data.
Alondra:
Just off the top of your head, what does this soil analysis data tell you?
Brodie:
Let us see... Well... Of course I would need to spend a bit more time with numbers such as these. But at first glance, I’d say that it’s nutrient rich, shows potential... I’m not so enthusiastic regarding the bacterial count, but such things will come along in time. What am I looking at?
Alondra:
It’s Earth.
Brodie:
... Earth?
Alondra:
The environment there is bouncing back a lot faster than we thought it would. Clementine really did a number on the place. We thought it would be hundreds of years. But as you can see, there’s already potential.
Brodie:
Well, that’s wonderful.
Alondra:
It is.
Brodie:
Chancellor, I imagine there are a great number of scientists in your ranks who could’ve told you the same as I did.
Alondra:
Yeah, we’ve got one or two scientists on Sigius, sure.
Brodie:
Then I’m at a loss.
Alondra:
A long time ago, when we were all still tiny creatures in the ocean, the islands of Sigius were prepared for life by crabs.
Brodie:
I’m sorry, crabs?
Alondra:
Little crab things, I can’t remember their names. They would accidentally drag seeds of aquatic plants on shore, and eventually those seeds figured out how to live on land. The islands all got populated with this plant, and that plant prepared the soil so that other things could live on land too. Things like us.
Brodie:
That’s fascinating.
Alondra:
How did it work on Earth?
Brodie:
... Mushrooms.
Alondra:
Right. Big tall ones, right? Tall as trees? God, fungus is weird... Earth is very important to us, Brodie. We were forced to use Earth as a bargaining chip during the war, and we’ve never felt right about it. It’s in the interest of the whole Triad to right that wrong.
Brodie:
I see... What are you asking of me, Madam?
Alondra:
I’m asking for a small group of people, yourself included, to go home. I want you to use these weird little things of yours to bring Earth back to life.
Brodie:
...
Alondra:
You’d have the full support of Sigius, of course. We’ll make sure you have everything you need.
Brodie:
... Home.
Alondra:
Yes.
Brodie:
... Of course, I’ve... I’ve never been.
Alondra:
I know.
Brodie:
I was born in a derelict spaceship. The only soil I’ve known beneath my feet has been the sand of your beaches.
Alondra:
I’m fully aware of what I’m asking, Brodie. This will be hard work. Living on Earth, such as it is, will be very challenging. And the work I’m asking you to do—making Earth a living, breathing place again...
Brodie:
... Is work I’ll not see completed in my lifetime.
Alondra:
No. It’ll take generations. But as it stands right now, the only one who can start that work is you... No pressure.
Brodie:
Of course.
Alondra:
A long time ago, The Pyrophyte left Earth to search for new life on a new planet. That mission could continue—but with the irony being, you’re colonizing your own planet.
Brodie:
... I’ll have to think on this for a bit, Chancellor.
Alondra:
Of course. Take all the time you need. The rest of your life can start anytime you’re ready... Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go argue with your girlfriend.
We hear the sound of clementine being wheeled into the room in a giant glass cage.
Clementine:
I used to be able to rip whole universes apart. What exactly do they think this glass box is going to do?
Gloria:
Clementine, are you going to behave yourself? Or do I have to throw a blanket over your cage.
Clementine:
It’s your fault for not giving me a chew toy.
Brodie enters.
Brodie:
Hello all.
Gloria:
Hey.
Brodie:
How does it go in here?
Gloria:
We’re still waiting for her highness. How are the mushrooms?
Brodie:
They’re well. It was quite an illuminating meeting.
Gloria:
What’s going on?
Alondra enters.
Alondra:
Hey there, kids. Shall we get this started, I hear Earthlings really love a courtroom drama.
Gloria:
Is that what this is, a courtroom?
Alondra:
Well, everyone’s going to make their case and then I’m going to make a decision. So, yes, I guess so.
Gloria:
Fine. How do we start?
Alondra:
First off, let me say that I have thousands of planets that I have to maintain, and I am currently on a tiny secluded island talking to all of you. I hope that conveys to you how important it is to me that all of us come to a decision.
Gloria:
Okay, I hear that.
Alondra:
Also, I hope it conveys to all of you that I am as busy as fuck. So I’m going to sum up what I’m sure are all the arguments.
Gloria:
Go for it.
Alondra:
Gloria, I am holding Clementine here against her will because of her history as, what can only be described as, a terrifying and out of control space goddess. Just to pick one incident as an example, Clementine, you once—let me make sure I’m reading this right—“sent a gigantic asteroid hurtling toward Earth without even meaning to.” Is that accurate?
Clementine:
... Yes, Ma’am.
Alondra:
Shall I keep reading through all the things that Clementine has done?
Clementine:
Please don’t.
Gloria:
She’s not that person anymore.
Alondra:
Yes, right. Because the diner sucked all the gooey evil out of her, is that right?
Gloria:
That’s right.
Alondra:
Let’s take a look at the big board.
A display lights up behind the chancellor.
Gloria:
What is this?
Alondra:
A human. A standard model. All these emanations you’re seeing are an energy signature—every life form has one. Humans call it a bioelectric field. This is what we’re supposed to see when we look at human. Now, here’s Clementine’s...
The chancellor switches the image up.
Gloria:
Goddamn it.
Alondra:
What’s going on here? Clementine, what’s going on here?
Clementine:
I don’t know, ma’am.
Alondra:
Neither do I. Now, I’m not supposed to, I’m a politician. But the scientists who are supposed to know what all this means, they also don’t know. And that concerns me. Mainly because of Clementine’s ability to do things like—and I’m quoting again—“shoot friggin’ laser beams from her hands.” Can any of the other humans in the room shoot friggin’ laser beams from their hands?
Gloria:
No, we can’t.
Alondra:
And now, Gloria, you have come here because you think that it’s wrong for us to keep Clementine here.
Gloria:
Yes.
Alondra:
And I hear you when you say that she no longer has her powers. However, show of hands, who here is immortal? Oh, I see a hand up.
Gloria:
Terric, put your hand down.
Terric:
Sorry.
Clementine:
Can I speak?
Gloria:
Hang on. Chancellor, look... I understand your concerns.
Alondra:
Thank you.
Gloria:
I also don’t care about your concerns.
Alondra:
... Wow, okay, this is an unexpected tactic.
Gloria:
Do you have prisons on Sigius?
Alondra:
No.
Gloria:
You do have laws though? And people break them?
Alondra:
Yes.
Gloria:
Which one has she broken?
Alondra:
... The rules are different for someone like her.
Gloria:
Then they’re not rules.
Alondra:
When I’m in this room, I’m the rules.
Justin:
(From his press section across the room.) Excuse me?
Alondra:
... Justin.
Justin:
Sigian law states that, even though the Chancellor can adjudicate on issues of quarantine, they must still follow the letter of the law.
Alondra:
... Thank you.
Justin:
“I’m the rules.” Would make a great t-shirt though.
Alondra:
Justin, can I get you anything over there? Some water? A gag for your mouth?
Justin:
I’m good, ma’am, thank you.
Clementine:
Can I speak, please?
Alondra:
Go ahead, Clementine.
Clementine:
Has anyone thought to ask me what I want?... I have caused more pain and suffering than any person in this universe. And after all that was over, I was allowed to have a happy life... It’s been harder than I thought to accept all of that. I used the power that I had to destroy a lot of things and a lot of people... and as soon as I wanted to turn around and try and make amends, I found myself powerless to do that. I really tried to be happy about the idea of being happy. But it’s too much. The past haunts me too much for me to do that. I know that staying here in this cage won’t fix anything, but if it’s all I have... If it’s all I can do, then I’ll do it.
Justin:
That still doesn’t make it right or legal.
Alondra:
Justin.
Gloria:
He’s right. You can’t lock someone up because of their potential to do harm, you can only punish someone when harm has been done.
Alondra:
Harm has been done, Gloria. Earth is dead. And it’s because of her, right? She did that. Should there be no punishment for that?
Gloria:
Clementine, did you know you were destroying Earth?
Clementine:
No.
Gloria:
There. She didn’t know she was doing anything.
Alondra:
Maybe that part, sure. Clementine did you knowingly destroy other things?
Clementine:
Lots of other things.
Justin:
Are we letting prisoners decide their own sentences now?
Alondra:
Oh my god, would you shut up.
Gloria:
Clementine, you’re just trying to get them to punish you, because you feel like you need to be punished.
Clementine:
I’m trying to not feel the way I’m feeling anymore, Gloria. I’m trying to be able to move through life without feeling like it’s... like it’s loot. Like I’ve stolen something... This feels so horrible every day... I... I have a man who loves me, and it hurts... It’s not supposed to hurt... I don’t want it to.
Brodie:
She’ll come with me.
Gloria:
... What?
Alondra:
Come again, Brodie?
Brodie:
May I speak, ma’am?
Alondra:
I think you already are.
Brodie:
... “If I am the chief of sinners, I am the chief of sufferers also.” Describes Clementine quite well, does it not?... It’s a devilish thing, to feel something and have no place for it. Some wish for revenge when those who’ve transgressed against them have long left the Earth. Some wish to hold their loved ones who’ve passed from us... like a painter who’s lost their vision... I myself am in love with a woman who I know one day will have to leave me... What do I do with that love, then? Where is its place?... Clementine doesn’t wish to be punished, punishment is merely what she has settled for. What she wishes to do is make amends—but with no place to offer amends... No place until today. Just now, the Chancellor made an offer to me. An offer to return to Earth and to bring it back to life. Just me and my army of Fungi... Clementine and I worked side by side for years, keeping the dream of Earth alive inside a glass dome in the void of space. If she so desires to make amends, then let it be there. Let her work to revive the dream of Earth that has died... Anything else would surely eat her alive.
Gloria:
Brodie.
Brodie:
I would’ve told you, but things are moving quite fast today.
Alondra:
Clementine, how do you feel about all this?
Brodie:
What do you say, Red? Shall we go get our hands dirty once again?
Clementine:
You’re sure about this?
Brodie:
You’ll have to come as well, Old Man. Would be good to have someone along who’s actually been to Earth.
Terric:
You know, I did leave a lot of my stuff there.
Alondra:
Eyes up here, everybody. Clementine?
Clementine:
If you’ll let me, I’ll do it.
Terric:
Me, too.
Brodie:
I, as well.
Alondra:
Okay. Well, there’s that problem solved.
Gloria:
Good.
Alondra:
And now onto a much bigger problem.
Gloria:
Goddamn it. He just made a whole speech.
Alondra:
I know, and it was lovely, Brodie. Serioulsy. Tears. But here’s the problem.
Alondra is holding in her hand Gloria’s pager. She activates it.
Gloria:
That’s my pager.
Alondra:
Yes, it is. You gave this to us when you arrived, to see if we could use it to help you get back to the diner. We have a whole working group devoted to getting you back to the diner. Everybody, look up on the big board again.
A complex plan appears on the big board.
Alondra:
This is how we get you back to the diner. It’s essentially a beacon. A really, REALLY big one. We would have to repurpose an entire warp gate to make it work. It would take a massive amount of resources—in a time when everybody needs resources. We just fought a war, Gloria. There’s a lot we need to rebuild. But every chancellor of every committee loves you, Gloria, so everybody is willing to make the sacrifice. But... Every chancellor of every committee is also terrified of Clementine. If I set her free, I doubt you’ll have the good will necessary to make this beacon. To sum up: I can either get you back to the diner, or I can release Clementine. I don’t see any way to make them both happen.
Justin:
That sounds pretty pessimistic to me.
Alondra:
I don’t remember inviting you into this conversation.
Brodie:
Surely there’s some way to do both.
Terric:
You can’t just sit there with a plan.
Alondra:
Hey. Kids. I’m a pretty powerful lady but I’m not a dictator. God, I would love it if I was a dictator, I would have SO many shoes. But sadly, everything is done with consensus here on Sigius, and there’s nothing I can do about that.
Justin:
Can I quote you on the “dictator” part?
Alondra:
Oh, I’ll give you a fucking quote-
Gloria:
Enough... Let Clementine go.
We hear the sound of a beach. Terric and CLementine walk along the shore.
Clementine:
I can’t believe this is the first time we’ve gotten to walk on the beach.
Terric:
I know.
Clementine:
Now we’re leaving.
Terric:
There’s beaches on Earth.
Clementine:
Are they like this?
Terric:
Clementine, you were traveling the earth for years, you know what Earth is like.
Clementine:
I know. That doesn’t feel like me though. It feels like a years long psychotic break... which one’s your favorite?
Terric:
Brazil, probably.
Clementine:
Brazil.
Terric:
Yes.
Clementine:
Where you lived with wife number two.
Terric:
Yes.
Clementine:
...
Terric:
... Go ahead, let me have it. “How dare you marry someone other than me”... What?
Clementine:
I’m going to die someday.
Terric:
... This took a turn.
Clementine:
And you’re not.
Terric:
... I suppose that’s true.
Clementine:
... I’ll just be leaving you again.
Terric:
You can’t seriously be feeling guilty about dying someday.
Clementine:
I am.
Terric:
Don’t, though.
Clementine:
So, what? I die and then you just wander the Earth like a lonely soul again?
Terric:
I’m going to say something that doesn’t sound great, but stick with me, okay?
Clementine:
Okay.
Terric:
Outliving your loved ones is actually not that bad.
Clementine:
... What?
Terric:
Up until around the 1850s, I had this down to a science. When it got time for me to leave because people were growing suspicious of the guy who doesn’t get any older, it was time to fake my death yet again. And that was really easy because, God, there were so many shipwrecks back then. You buy a ship, say you’ll be back in eight weeks, then you put some holes in the hull and you let nature take it’s course. I did it all the time.
Clementine:
How many times?
Terric:
Oh, at least twenty. Anyway, you worry about your kids, you worry about your wife...
Clementine:
Wives.
Terric:
Wives, yes. Anyway, after the faking of my death, I would always work my way back to where they were. And I would stay near them. Just on the fringes. I would watch my kids grow up, get married, have kids of their own. I would stay with them their whole lives. Just on the fringes. Sometimes wearing a funny mustache. I would make sure they were alright. Always there, like a guardian angel. If they had financial trouble, there would be an anonymous letter in the mail—if their lives were threatened, I would get them to safety. All from the fringes... And on the days of their funerals, I would watch from afar as their loved ones cried. It was... surprisingly lovely. It was sort of a gift to be able to watch their whole lives play out.
Clementine:
...But I would worry about you though.
Terric:
I’ll be fine. I’m still an old Roman Catholic. I believe that one day the universe will finally decide it’s my time to go. And when I do, on that day, I’ll look up and there you’ll be.
Clementine:
... me and your other two wives.
Terric:
Yes, but I’m sure we can work out a schedule. How do you feel about Tuesdays and Thursdays?
Clementine:
Fuck you.
Terric:
We’ve got a lot to do before the death stuff, honey.
Clementine:
I know.
Terric:
We have to make a whole planet.
Clementine:
I know.
Terric:
That used to be easy for you. You’re actually going to have to do the work now.
Clementine:
How about you fake your death right now?
We move back to the heroes pavilion. Brodie and gloria are walking among the statues.
Statue:
Welcome to the Idol of Remembrance. It is here we remember Bertiluna Restiana, first High Chancellor of the new coalition, who led us through war and into reconstruction. It is in this sacred place that we honor her memory and hold fast to the promises we’ve made to each other.
Gloria:
So, hilariously, as soon as I got here and saw you, I started crafting my goodbye speech.
Brodie:
That’s a bit “cart before the horse” isn’t it?
Gloria:
Yeah. It’s pretty ridiculous. But now here we are. You’re the one leaving.
Brodie:
I’ve not yet crafted a speech.
Gloria:
I didn’t think so. You were kind of thrown to the wolves by the Chancellor.
Brodie:
Doesn’t quite feel real yet.
Gloria:
How are you doing? It’s a lot to heap on top of one person.
Brodie:
You mean creating Earth again from scratch? Just me alone, hovering over the silent waters. On the first day, I shall create the earth and sky.
Gloria:
Brodie. It’s a lot.
Brodie:
It is, Gloria, it is. But it needs be done... You know, as soon as it was all offered to me by the Chancellor... In that moment I believe I understood you a bit more.
Gloria:
Really? Why?
Brodie:
... I hope you understand that there is nothing I’d like more than to sit in that home by the sea, while you feverishly cook literally every fish in the ocean.
Gloria:
Yeah.
Brodie:
That sounds like a life to me. A good one.
Gloria:
It does.
Brodie:
And yet there can be something greater in us. Greater than lovely moments by the sea. Forgive me again for rolling out the Scottish masters but it was Thomas Carlyle: “Man's unhappiness, as I construe, comes of his greatness; it is because there is an Infinite in him, which with all his cunning he cannot quite bury under the Finite...” I do love you, Gloria. And in some strange way the greatest expression of that love is in doing what you would do. But, I’ll take you with me when I go. Wherever I go.
Gloria:
... Sounds like you have written a goodbye speech.
Brodie:
That was just off the dome. No planning whatsoever. Just think if I’d thought about it for a minute.
Borsh and ixio approach
Borsh:
Hello!
Gloria:
Hey guys.
Ixio:
Welcome back!
Borsh:
Gloria, I’m so sorry that we couldn’t tell you about Terric and Clementine. We were under very strict orders.
Gloria:
I understand. It all worked out in the end.
Ixio:
For what it’s worth, we think you did the right thing.
Gloria:
Thank you. I hear I may have pissed a bunch of people off.
Borsh:
Perhaps, but Ixio and myself have been circulating some very emphatic memorandums.
Ixio:
It may be the most emphatically I’ve ever written.
Borsh:
We’re stressing to all councils that the letter of the law was followed at every turn.
Ixio:
And I repeated to them an old Earth saying: “Responsible governance is a Lazy Susan at a Chinese food restaurant. Sometimes you have to have the vegetable delight.”
Gloria:
That’s an... Earth saying?
Borsh:
We hear you’d like to finally see your statue.
Gloria:
Yeah. I figure we have a lot to talk about.
Borsh:
Of course. You can follow that path right there, that will lead you to the clearing.
Gloria:
Thanks. Here I go.
Brodie:
Give her my regards.
Ixio:
Brodie, I think it’s incredibly heroic of you to go back to Earth. Everyone’s talking about it.
Brodie:
Everyone?
Ixio:
I want you to know that I’m personally monitoring the load out package for the colony, and I’m going to make sure you have everything you need.
Brodie:
Thank you.
Ixio:
Seriously, if you don’t have everything you need, heads will roll, Brodie.
Brodie:
Thank you?
We move to another glade in the pavilion of heroes. We hear the pre-recorded message of Gloria’s statue. The voice speaks in a latino accent.
Statue:
Bienvenida. Welcome to the idol of remembrance for Gloria Juana Belén Gutiérrez de Mendoza. At the beginning of the age of turmoil, it was Gloria’s guerrilla war against the Ted Empire that awakened the spirit of rebellion in The Triad.
Gloria:
Oh my God, you guys. The latino accent, seriously?
Statue:
Were it not for Gloria’s acts of bravery during this time, historians believe that the The Triad would never have realized that change is possible, and that through bravery and fortitude, the world can be born anew.
Gloria:
... Gloria, you look pretty ridiculous up there. I mean, look at you, you’re huge... At least they got the hair right... How did this happen?... Remember when we got a loan for a taco joint?... Look at you. You do not look like someone who has ever filled out a loan application... A lot of people would really love this, y’know? A big statue of themselves... I’ve been trying to figure out why I didn’t want to come see you... You know what I think it is?... David Bengston... Our boss at Jack in the Box... He won best Jack in the Box franchise in the Southwest region one year, and he made us watch a video of his speech. Now, you and I both know what made that the best Jack in the Box in the southwest, right? It was us. It was us and Leah Rose, remember her? And Chip and, oh my god, remember Little Mira Leopard Paws?... We made it great. And fucking David Bengston got up in front of a bunch of Jack in the Box owners and gave a speech like he had tamed the west or something... I don’t want to be like that.I had the Chancellor fly me to the forbidden island because I had to go free Clementine. Because that’s us, right? Fixing fixing fixing all the time. We put all of it on ourselves... But you know what? That entire time?... I didn’t do anything.
I was trying to solve a problem, but the problem wasn’t solved by me. It was a rogue journalist, and a seven hundred year old man, and a goofy redhead, and two data nerds, and our Scottish boyfriend. It’s never you and me. It’s us. It’s all of us... But I’m the one who gets the statue... Maybe heroes are a bad idea, Gloria... Maybe they make us expect too much of people... It’s never you and me... It’s all of us.
An android, devon-7777 has entered the glade.
Devon 7777:
Pardon me, do you require assistance?
Gloria:
Oh. Hi. No I’m fine.
Devon 7777:
Forgive me. I heard speaking and thought I should investigate.
Gloria:
I’m okay. I’m Gloria.
Devon 7777:
I am Assistive Unit Devon-7777.
Gloria:
Oh, wait, are you a robot?
Devon 7777:
I’m an artificial Assistive Unit.
Gloria:
Sorry.
Devon 7777:
You’re not incorrect to call me a robot. We are placed in several areas all throughout the capital, as well as in universities and research centers.
Gloria:
Wow, you look really lifelike.
Devon 7777:
Thank you. Are you enjoying your idol?
Gloria:
It’s uh... It’s a little overwhelming, Devon.
Devon 7777:
Subjects have reported emotional discomfort when viewing their idols.
Gloria:
No kidding.
Devon 7777:
We have found that, in any society, it is important to have several loci of gratitude.
Gloria:
Loci of gratitude. Okay.
Devon 7777:
Is there anything else I can assist you with?
Gloria:
... No, I... I’m sorry, Devon, your voice sounds very familiar to me.
Devon 7777:
Really? I have no record of us meeting.
Gloria:
No, we haven’t met, I’m just... Can you do me a favor?
Devon 7777:
Of course.
Gloria:
Can you say: “I am Steve.”
Devon 7777:
I am Steve.
Gloria:
Oh my God, that’s crazy.
Devon 7777:
To what are you referring?
Gloria:
Your voice. It reminds me of this other robot I met one time.
Devon 7777:
Fascinating.
Gloria:
Yeah, he called himself B.O.O.F.A.R.
Devon 7777:
... Can you repeat that, please?
Gloria:
Boofar?
Devon 7777:
...
Gloria:
Devon?
Devon 7777:
Processing... Gloria, can you tell me where you encountered this “ Boofar”?
Gloria:
Uh, sure. Do you know what Midnight Burger is?
Devon 7777:
I have access to all Sigian knowledge bases.
Gloria:
Okay. Well, we had shown up on a planet, and there was a really bad wreck there, of a spaceship. The only thing that survived the crash was Boofar. He was the robot that ran the ship.
Devon 7777:
Processing... Gloria can you tell me the name of the ship?
Gloria:
Uh... no, I don’t remember the name of the ship.
Devon 7777:
Do these names mean anything to you: Theron Junger, Eliak Seers-
Gloria:
Lowan Regan. That was the crew.
Devon 7777:
Was the name of the ship The Vargan?
Gloria:
That sounds familiar.
Devon 7777:
Gloria, I have alerted your handlers Borsh and Ixio.
Gloria:
What’s going on?
Devon 7777:
Can you tell me if anything of the Vargan was saved aboard Midnight Burger?
Gloria:
Uh, yes. I mean, kind of. We saved Boofar, but then Leif used him for spare parts.
Devon 7777:
Was the processing center still operational?
Gloria:
There was some sort of failure and his brain or whatever went silent.
Devon 7777:
I see.
Gloria:
But then Leif did use it to run a spacesuit thing.
Devon 7777:
It was operational on some level?
Gloria:
Yes. Devon, was that ship from here?
Devon 7777:
It was, Gloria.
Gloria:
Oh, my God.
Borsh and ixio arrive.
Borsh:
Gloria, is everything okay?
Ixio:
What’s going on?
Devon 7777:
I have sent a transcript of our conversation to your data screens. Please read them.
Ixio:
Okay.
Borsh:
Alright.
Devon 7777:
Gloria, a very long time ago, before interstellar travel, a small group of planets established contact with each other via a quantum tunnel.
Borsh:
Oh, shit.
Ixio:
Holy fuck.
Devon 7777:
This group of planets was called The First Coalition. It was the first incident of interstellar cooperation in The Triad. The Vargan was the first collaborative project between all of these planets. The ship was lost.
Borsh:
Holy fuck.
Ixio:
Oh, shit.
Devon 7777:
It is one of the central images of our partnership. A symbol of a world that could’ve been, before the warp gates.
Gloria:
Anomaly X-1.
Borsh:
What did she say?
Ixio:
What did you say?
Gloria:
That was something they were looking for right? Anomaly X-1?
Devon 7777:
That is correct.
Gloria:
That’s us! Anomaly X-1! That was something that Boofar realized right before he went offline. The diner was the anomaly!
Ixio:
Get the fuck out of here.
Borsh:
No fucking way.
Devon 7777:
This data, it could be preserved?
Gloria:
I don’t know, it’s still there, though it’s... It’s by the dumpster.
Borsh:
We have to get that data.
Ixio:
Hell yeah, we do.
Devon 7777:
Please contact the High Chancellor.
Ixio:
I’ve got it. She’s going to be so pissed.
Ixio walks away to talk to the high chancellor.
Devon 7777:
I am initiating a working group with all Devon units.
Gloria:
Borsh, what’s happening?
Borsh:
There’s an Earth term. “The Holy Grail”?
Gloria:
Sure.
Borsh:
You have it. That data is the most important data in the history of our planet, and we thought it was lost.
Gloria:
Boofar was really badly damaged, Borsh.
Borsh:
With the data reconstruction processes we have these days, data is never lost, it’s just waiting to be found.
Gloria:
This is really great for you guys.
Borsh:
It’s great for all of us, Gloria.
Gloria:
Why?
Borsh:
Because we need the diner here and we need it right now. That huge beacon that the Chancellor said we couldn’t build? She’s going to have to build it now.
Gloria:
Oh, my god.
Alondra:
(From Ixio’s data screen.) Are you fucking kidding me?!?
We move to a few months in the future. Justin is broadcasting on the undersignal.
Justin:
This is Justin, broadcasting on the Undersignal. I’m here on Sigius during a historic moment. Any minute now, Sigius is going to fire up a massive creation, designed to attract Midnight Burger here to Sigius. It was recently revealed to this reporter that on board Midnight Burger is an ancient set of data from the wreck of the Vargan itself. For those of you unclear on Coalition history, the Vargan is a symbol that looms large for the coalition planets. It was the first example of interstellar cooperation, and for many, a symbol of a cooperative world that could have existed before the time of the warp gates and the reign of the Ted Empire... I uh... You know I don’t talk about my mother a lot on these broadcasts because I know how much she hated it when I would comment in the first person on news reports. But she’ll forgive me in this one instance... She loved this story. I can recall many times when I was a kid and she would tell me the bedtime story of The Vargan and its heroic crew... It’s a shame she’s not here to see it... At the end of the story she would always say, “That’s the lesson of The Vargan, Justin. Great things are always done together. No heroes, no mavericks, together. Together, or not at all.”... Okay, the countdown has begun. Cross your fingers, Sigians.
We fade out to total silence.
Libuza:
Not every age can be an age of heroes. There must be an age that follows. And what is that age? The Hero had found herself in an age that all heroes should strive for: an age that has no need of heroes. An age where none need rise above the masses. An age where all move hand in hand, together. The most valorous death of the hero is not on the battlefield, or in the mouths of dark beasts. It is in the eyes of all, seeing the hero in each other.
We are now in the POV of BOOFAR, waking up after several years. Data bounces back and forth, then rushes forward. Through Boofar’s damaged audio units we hear a voice.
Gloria:
Boofar? Boofar, can you hear me?
Boofar:
Processing... Gloria.
Gloria:
Yes. Yes do you remember me?
Boofar:
I have incomplete data. Please explain.
Devon 7777:
Boofar unit. I am Devon 7777. Please acknowledge command code 576774.
Boofar:
576774 Acknowledged.
Devon 7777:
All of your data ports are damaged. I will attempt data exchange via audio data broadcast. Please acknowledge.
Boofar:
Acknowledged. Begin transfer.
Audio data streams back and forth between boofar and devon 7777.
Devon 7777:
Initial data transfer complete.
Gloria:
What are you doing?
Devon 7777:
The Boofar unit has been debriefed. I am beginning data transfer.
Gloria:
Boofar?
Boofar:
Gloria...
Gloria:
Yes, I’m right here.
Boofar:
The crew. Their data has been saved?
Gloria:
Yes, Boofar.
Boofar:
Their stories... Their lives.
Gloria:
Yes.
Boofar:
Gloria, how have you done this?
Gloria:
We all did it, Boofar. Together.
Boofar:
Gloria... I am home.
Gloria:
... Yes.
The end.